“Saying no to the fear of judgement and public opinion. Choosing to silence the critics.”

Why do we fear other people’s judgement? Why do we care what others think? And how do we overcome the fear of judgement and the opinions of others.

For me, the fear of judgement and the opinions of others has been one of the biggest self-limiting beliefs to overcome. Why? Because it was conditioned from such an early age. 

As young as 6 years old I remember public opinion weighing heavily on me. From navigating playground friendships to classroom participation, there was always someone who thought I shouldn’t be part of their group or that my responses were not satisfactory. 

I felt I was on public display for the masses (In reality it was probably just a handful of girls) but their impact landed powerful blows and their opinion mattered to me. My self-worth was attached to the reaction of my school peers. They had the power to make me feel worthy or unworthy.

As I look back with a filter of wisdom and life experience, I now know someone else’s opinion of me does not change my worth. 

As children we don’t have the ability to fully understand our worth so the playground or the classroom becomes our epicentre; an intense boiling pot of emotions where experiences are magnified. 

When we’re young we don’t have the emotional intelligence to dismiss the words of friends and peers. We are like sponges, soaking up every word and every action until we have soaked in so much of other people’s opinions that it becomes the dialogue we tell ourselves. Our inner voice is quashed and silenced, whilst external opinions grow louder and more powerful.

And when we lose our perspective, we forget a profound truth. That when someone judges us it says a whole lot more about their character than ours.

So what ARE the most common reasons we fear people’s opinions?

Mostly it comes down to a series of worries.

We worry:

• Others will wrongly assume things about us

• Others will think less of us

• We will disappoint people

• We will be talked about or gossiped about

• We will be misunderstood

• We will be labelled something we are not

• We have to prove something or disprove something

• About our status and our perceived success 

• Because deep down we want to be accepted

• Because we want to belong

To belong is a human need. A soul yearning that everyone desires. We all want to belong, to be loved and to have a family or a network of people who accept us unconditionally. 

So how do you overcome the fear of judgement and public opinion?

The answer can be found when we become really focused on the things that matter. How this unfolds will look different for everyone but might include things like:

• Intentionally doing something nice for others– Volunteer, send a thoughtful uplifting message to a friend, send someone a gift or offer to help someone who has been going through a tough time. Go out of your way to compliment people.

• Be the change- Don’t allow judgement or gossip to happen around you. Make a stand and tell others you don’t participate in those conversations.

• Focus on learning to love yourself– This isn’t about having a bubble bath but more about immersing yourself in positive thoughts that remind you that you are worthy simply because you exist.

• Discover the things in life that make you feel most happy and do more of it- Do you love to paint ? Then paint, do you love to sing? Go join a choir, do you love to write? Then write, do you love to be hospitable? Invite friends over for a meal, Do you love a walk in the park? Go walking.

• Find like-minded people/ groups or networks to connect with- Seek out the people who ‘get you’. You will know your kind of people when you find them. Don’t stop looking until you find your support squad.

• Choose carefully who you spend most of your time with– Become really aware of how people treat you and how they make you feel. Limit time spent with people that speak down to you and make you feel like you don’t measure up. Stick with the people who light you up, uplift you and accept you.

• Believe you were placed on this earth with a unique purpose that perhaps looks different to anyone else- Go be your best, purpose-filled self who was made for greatness.

• Choose a positive story– leave behind self-limiting beliefs and exchange them for a self-love story of victory.

It takes practice to arrive at a place of contentment. But every time you defy the clanging sound of the masses yelling in your ear, telling you how you should be, how you should look, how you should act you will achieve a win. 

And every win, no matter how small will make you feel more confident in who you are.

Having been through this process I can attest that knowing who I really am and choosing to be content is the key to overcoming this fear of people’s opinions.

Yes, the maturity of age most certainly plays its part and as you get to a certain point in life, public opinion matters less and less. You become grounded in who you are and it no longer matters whether you are the ‘in thing’ or not. 

You only get one life and that life is for living and celebrating who you are. Life is not for shrinking back and living in fear.

Above all, what matters at the core of everything is being a decent, kind and loving human being. Be to others what you most want in them. Use your work and time as a force for good. 

I know you can do it.

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Are you ready to forge forward in faith to live a life of purpose and impact? Life Coaching is where this happens. Every week I help people just like you as they learn to clarify their life calling and begin to live it. 

With love,

Annie

 

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